‘In a world full of doing doing doing, it’s important to take a moment to just breathe, to just be’. – Unknown –

The mind is a complex part of you, sometimes your mind is shown in your emotions and way you are acting. Whilst many of our feelings and emotions can be hidden inside, it’s becoming increasingly welcomed that people should show and discuss these feelings.

Currently there are so many things buzzing about in my mind that it has started to impact on the way that I am coping every day.

It has been 17 months since I lost my step daughter and there still a massive amount happening in my life daily that effects the way my family runs. Whilst some days seem to be ok this last couple of weeks has felt intense.

The constant battle with my children every day to get them to school, ‘what’s the point? Asten only had a short time out of school, I should be able to explore and find out about the world by doing it the way I want’. And I get it, I get their frustration but they also don’t know how much they will learn at school and how actually they will have fond memories. But right now they are just struggling to see that.

I am trying to teach them to make sure that all the choices that they make in school are focusing what they want to do right now. What makes them happy and interested to know more?

Then the tears, the uncontrollable crying and wanting to know what happens after you die.  Inside I am hurting so much as I cannot tell them what. I WISH I COULD. I WISH I KNEW.

I settle them as much as I can, I talk to them, we watch films and we read. The thing that for me is so important is getting them outside, see the beautiful world and use it as an escape for their minds. We must not just stay at home, stay in bed, sit on the sofa – don’t get me wrong this is important too but a BALANCE.

I finally feel that they have a little peace in their mind and …………………school. I will give one example – my son is in Spanish and the lesson is about family. The children must practice talking about their family. OK first hurdle, he has to decide how he is going to deal with the situation – miss one sibling out or explain she has died. He decided to use his time out card to remove himself from the room for a few minutes to compose himself. However the teacher declines his card ‘this is from last year, you need to get a new one’. My son had already been told that he did not need a new one! After an exchange of words, my son removes himself without permission of the teacher. After another child sees my son outside upset he informs the head of year as he knows my son’s situation. The head of year spoke with the teacher and ‘things were sorted’. Now I have a few issues with the situation.

1. Why did the teacher just not let the child leave the class and deal with the pass later. I am happy for my child to be punished if they have not done the correct procedure or had no valid reason to have left.
2. I had never thought about discussing family in many situations at school before, I had no reason to. But we cannot be the only family in this situation or a situation that maybe difficult to discuss in a class room situation i.e. foster care, adoption etc.
3. Why let a child be visibly upset in a class – it becomes hard for that child to trust that teacher again.
4. Should we tell every teacher that the children have contact with? I believe not, they do not want special treatment they just want to be like everyone else, however they do need compassion. Also I may add the children do not want everyone knowing.

The thing is this is ONE situation, ONE day. Some days we have multiple situations today for instance three lessons discussed death – Drama, History and English. I make sure that I talk with the children about their days every day and we try and have reasonable discussions. What was the context of the death? Why would you be learning about it? The list goes on as the discussion goes on.

And my point to this morbid blog today? I have become overwhelmed, as I said earlier the last couple of weeks have been particularly intense, with both children suffering and my husband also feeling low. And yet every day, I have to do my job, my grief, the washing, the cleaning, cook etc etc etc. I must remember to think about myself too, I must let my mind relax and have space or family life will become much harder.

I am going to make sure, I get up every day, that I go outside and look at this beautiful world and that we all go to bed knowing that we love each other. Right now that is what is important.

Sending love, hugs and mental strength to help anyone that needs a bit of TLC right now. XOXO