The chair that stood still

After an evening at the cinema my husband invited me to have a meal, he suggested the Italian next door. I smiled and politely said yes, walking there I suggested a couple of other restaurants in the vicinity as I wasn’t feeling the Italian vibe, however we ended up at inside awaiting a table. When a waitress saw us waiting at the door she hurried from the busy restaurant and greeted us. As she walked us to our table my heart sank, she placed the menus on a down and said she would be back to take our order.

I felt like I was frozen in time, my brain telling me you can’t take this chair it’s occupied it’s not mine to take. I pulled the chair slowly and after what felt an age I sat. I looked at my husband across the table and then to the menu thinking I really don’t know if I can do this. I looked at the chair diagonally from me, that’s my chair but I can’t sit there it’s not right I should sit facing my husband it’s just the two of us.

But that’s it I don’t want it to be just us, the last time we sat here it was as a family of five, and whilst as a number we can do that again as not all the children were there, that day’s combination could never happen again. My heart fell into a thousand million pieces, take me back to our last meal together our last moments of laughter and fun together.

So here I am broken and tears starting to roll down my face my husband concerned ‘what’s that matter’ and all I could manage was a mumbled ‘I will tell you when we get in the car later’.

It felt like an eternity sitting there and ironically the food was probably the best I had ever had!

But every moment I sat in the chair I replayed our last family meal, every word, every person’s food and drink. The people who had sat behind us – it had been one of my son’s football coaches and his family. And although at the time we were here last was happy, making plans for the future and chatting about rubbish it’s that pain that this has been taken away forever just a short time after that meal.

I miss you, I love you and your always in my heart no matter how small the pieces may shatter inside don’t ever think that the love gets less.

I’m honoured to have sat in your chair and I’m honoured to have been a part of your life. ❤️